Hopeful....

Well, I put in for a full time job with a more organized schedule. I hope to hear something soon, then I can get back to this blog everyday. For now I am trying to reduce abdominal bloat. I eat healthy and vegan, but I always seem bloated. WTF? I am going to try to eat more fruit and veggies and less carbs. Maybe that will help. My stomach is almost flat, but not quite. Grrrrrr! This is frustrating! Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. :)

Bra Shopping Still Sucks......

Well, I went bra shopping today. Had to; my old faithfuls were not so faithful anymore. I hate shopping for bras. Nothing is a more blatant reminder of how much weight I've gained than trying to find a proper fitting bra. Looking in that fitting room mirror, I see the bulges, the overhang, etc. It is really depressing. All I have wanted for the last several years is to be able to buy the little, cute, lacy C cup bras. Instead, I am bound to the thick strapped, bland colored, giant cupped contraptions with 40 fish hooks in the back. Yes, I know there are pretty bras for bigger girls, but they cost a fortune. My esteem was really shaken tonight. I mean, I am going to keep working, keep losing weight; it is just totally depressing to see just how fat I have become over the years. I remember what it was like to buy the cute bras. I hate buying the freaking DD ones. Big boobs are truly overrated. I hope one day I can afford to have these damn things lifted and reduced so I can have my C cups back. I just really hate bra shopping right now. *sigh*

Givin' it all I got......

As a larger sized woman, I find I often have to modify my workout routines. I try to keep things low impact to save my knees, as I am undoubtedly carrying way too much weight to put my poor knees through the strain of supporting jumps and lunges. It must be done, for safety's sake, but I hate it. I want to go full force like the people in my videos. I want to lift my knees high, jump high, squat low, etc. I really hate that my weight holds me back. True, if I keep working I will lose weight and then I can start doing regular instead of modified moves. I just wish I could do it now. I don't feel I get the full benefit of the exercise if I have to do the easier version. Fatness sucks. In every way imaginable.  :(

A good day....

Went shopping today. My pantry and fridge are now filled with fruits, veggies, and vegan goodness. I am happy. My hubby is beginning to follow suit on the whole healthy eating thing. Finally! I love eating healthy foods. I feel better. It amuses me when people see my meals and say, "Are you on a diet?" I think, "No, I am eating like a normal person should." People are funny like that. My entire trip through the supermarket, I kept seeing all the junky, processed, unhealthy foods everywhere. We really are surrounded by shit. The sad thing is people suck this crap down by the boat loads. I wish the rest of the population could be enlightened. Oh well. I'm healthy. That is what matters. :)

Getting better....

I am finally feeling a bit balanced given this crazy work schedule. Loving my workouts, eating right, just improving daily. Trying to be less stressed. I will back on this blog full force very soon.

Hello 2012....

Yeah, I totally suck as a blogger these days. I am so busy with my lovely work schedule (6 days a week and holding) that i never seem to have time to blog. I am hoping things change soon and I can get back to this. I miss it. Until then, please don't forget me. :)

DAMMIT.....

This new work schedule is really killing me. I mean, the money is awesome but I am so f-ing tired! Strangely, my weight has plateaued for now, but I have lost several inches. WTF? How am I way smaller but have lost no more weight? I went down 2 entire sizes (got new work scrubs) and I haven't dropped a pound in a while! My body is so weird. Oh well. It is more about how you look and not what you weigh, anyhow. I will try to post again soon. Hopefully the new year will bring a more sane schedule.