Dear body:
I am sorry for mistreating you for so many years. I want to apologize for eating shitty food and being lazy. You craved veggies and fruit; I gave you pizza. You thirsted for water; I drowned you in soda. You needed exercise; I sat on my fat ass and became weak. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when it seemed I had given up on you. I appreciate the fact that you didn't shut down and kill me for revenge. All these years of having to process all the crap I forced upon you must have been horrifying. I am so sorry! You deserve so much better. You are such an amazing work of art, and from now on you will be treated as such! No more junk or soda, only the goodness you crave. I will fill you with nutrients and energy, and I will build up your muscles again. I will do everything I can to give you back your healthy skin. I'm truly sorry about the stretch marks. You didn't deserve that. I will do my best to make them fade. I will get this weight off of you, and ease the stress I have put upon the bones and organs that somehow still thrive inside you. No longer will you be abused. I love you, and I want to take care of you. Please forgive me for the last couple of decades. Consider today a new beginning. You are loved, and you are wonderful, and I intend to treat you like royalty!
Sincerely,
the lazy, fat-ass human inhabiting you
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