The dreaded "Day 2".....

I think the 2ND day is always the hardest. Most say the 1ST. Nope. That is the day you are full of pride and intention. The next day, it begins to wane a bit. The new wears off and you realize this is going to take a lot of work. Well, I am not afraid of a little hard work. I have successfully lowered my sodium intake as well as calories and fat. I have managed to be consistent with my exercise, which means I went walking again today instead of coming home and flopping down on the couch. (Oh, comfy couch! How you taunt me!) My blood pressure has come down as well. I went from hypertension range to pre-hypertension range. That was awesome! Perhaps I will live to see the fall semester. I realized today that I really want this. I want to be healthy. Even when I felt hungry, I made good decisions instead of caving in like I usually do. Small victories, right? I haven't weighed yet. Maybe I will post it weekly. I'm still working on that one. Anyway, thanks for reading again today. Fat girl survived another day of good health! I'd jump for joy, but it might register on the Richter scale....

Reborn....

I am back, and I am better than ever! Have I lost all the weight? Nah. I actually gained it all back and then some. Did I hit the lottery? I wish. Am I through with college? Nope, still about 10 months to go. So why do I feel so damn happy? Because I have had an awakening. It is as if all the information I have taken in over the years is finally clicking together! I have this whole new understanding of my body, my mind, and my health. Where did this come from? I don't know. One morning it was just there. I feel free and happy, like I have never felt before! Screw diets and agony and shame! I refuse to put myself through that shit for one more minute! I now have an understanding of food and its purpose; I understand what my body needs. I hate to sound like a hippy, but after years of seeing food as the enemy, I am now one with my body's nutritional needs. Ok, that totally sounds like I just came off the hookah pipe. Let me put it a better way: I now have a clearer vision of what foods I need, what my body needs, and what I really can do without. The body is not unlike a car. It needs the right fuel to run properly. It needs maintenance. Healthy food is fuel. I have to put "fuel" in my "engine" to go anywhere, right? Well, putting junk food into my "engine" is like trying to run an actual car on something other than the proper fuel. I can put anything in my car's gas tank, but only gasoline will make it run. Just the same, I can put anything in my body's gas tank (my stomach), but only good healthy food will make it run properly. Junk food is not fuel. Soda is not fuel. Excess carbs, excess sodium, and saturated/trans fats are not fuel. Also, I have always based what I eat on tastes. Does it taste good? Is it cheesy or salty? Well, now I need to learn that taste should not be the deciding factor in what I consume. True, I want my food to taste good; but if I crave cheese I can get by with a low fat serving of real cheese (not that processed American crap) instead of downing an entire pizza. Yes, I have done that. With my head hung low in shame, I admit to scarfing down entire pizzas on my own. The thought of it makes me sick. So why did I do it? Because I was depressed, I was trying to soothe myself the only way I knew how, and I wanted the instant gratification of the cheesy gooeyness. I now understand that when we train ourselves to see a certain food as a reward, it releases serotonin in our brains. This is the so-called "happy chemical" that makes us feel good. My brain saw pizza as a way to boost my mood; however, after eating I always felt gross and fat. How did my mind try to boost my mood again? With junk food! It was a never ending cycle! Well, now I am breaking that cycle. I will retrain my brain to enjoy good food. I will not pollute my body with needless junk. I am starting anew. Do I want to get skinny? You bet I do. Is that my main focus these days? Certainly not. I want to be healthy. I want to lower my blood pressure before I end up on meds like my mom and my grandpa. I want to avoid diabetes, which runs on both sides of my family. I want to feel good in my skin. If I get skinny along the way, great. I just want to be healthy and happy! So, here I go again, only now I am on a new path. I do hope you will join me once more! :)


The first step is the hardest. My friends will see this. Here comes the brutal honesty: I weigh 262 lbs. There. I said it. It is out there for all to know. This is not the heaviest I have ever been, but it is close. I am only going down from here!

Belting it out......

First, let me say I am doing well. I am now down to 250 and I am still on track! That being said, I had a real "OMG" moment today. I have a loose pair of jeans that I love, so I dug out an old belt that I love to hold them up. I hadn't worn this belt in a few years, but it looks awesome. Well.....it no longer fits me. It is too small. It wouldn't even fasten! Talk about a wake up call! When you put on weight, you can play it off as muscle build up or you can claim that you "wear it well" or whatever. When your clothes don't fit, you can say they shrunk in the dryer or you are just bloated. Belts don't shrink. Belts go around you. When a belt doesn't fit, it is proof that you are bigger around. No wearing it well or bloat or what-have-you will justify an ill fit. You are bigger around. End of story. So, I am now fully aware of just how big I have gotten. My 1st huge goal is to be under 200 pounds. I have a new side goal: to fit into that belt again! I will do it! I will wear my belt again with pride!

Smooth sailing......

I am on to something new: smoothies. I love these things! They are healthy and totally easy to make. They taste so good you would swear they were junk food, but they are 100% nutritious. My personal mix is one banana, two mandarin oranges, one package of Weight Watchers white chocolate raspberry yogurt, and some ice. Voila! Fruity awesomeness! No, I am not particularly endorsing Weight Watchers. I just really like their white chocolate raspberry yogurt! Ok, so here is the caloric breakdown: yogurt - 100 calories, banana - 80 to 100 calories, mandarins - 32 calories each. So we have a total of about 264 calories of fruity goodness. It keeps me feeling full, and it is absolutely delicious. Also, it is thick, so it takes time to consume and that makes me feel more satisfied. It is some weird psychological thing, but if I can eat something quickly, like just a yogurt or some string cheese, it hardly feels like a snack and I tend to eat more. The smoothie takes time to drink, and my mind feels like I spent enough time on it to be satisfied. Minds are so strange! Anyway, this is my new favorite snack. I am still on the good road. Still losing weight. Now I have a sweet treat to enjoy on my journey! Mmmmmmm!

An apology to my body......

Dear body:

I am sorry for mistreating you for so many years. I want to apologize for eating shitty food and being lazy. You craved veggies and fruit; I gave you pizza. You thirsted for water; I drowned you in soda. You needed exercise; I sat on my fat ass and became weak. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when it seemed I had given up on you. I appreciate the fact that you didn't shut down and kill me for revenge. All these years of having to process all the crap I forced upon you must have been horrifying. I am so sorry! You deserve so much better. You are such an amazing work of art, and from now on you will be treated as such! No more junk or soda, only the goodness you crave. I will fill you with nutrients and energy, and I will build up your muscles again. I will do everything I can to give you back your healthy skin. I'm truly sorry about the stretch marks. You didn't deserve that. I will do my best to make them fade. I will get this weight off of you, and ease the stress I have put upon the bones and organs that somehow still thrive inside you. No longer will you be abused. I love you, and I want to take care of you. Please forgive me for the last couple of decades. Consider today a new beginning. You are loved, and you are wonderful, and I intend to treat you like royalty!

Sincerely,
the lazy, fat-ass human inhabiting you

Doing it, and doing it well......

I did it. I worked out today! Good lord, it felt GREAT!!!! True, my stamina will need to be rebuilt, but I felt awesome! I did 30 minutes of cardio and muscle building, then I walked for a bit. The walk was cut short due to rain, but it was still a good walk. I had forgotten how good it feels to do these things. I was also surprised at the energy I had. Being that my last workout was quite some time ago, I figured I would have great difficulty as I did when I first began. Not so! True, I wasn't as strong as I had been, but I wasn't exactly weak either! It feels good to be back on track. I predict I will shed those last 4 pounds before the end of this week. Then, I will be back on my way to my ultimate goal : 145 pounds. No more slip ups, I am ready to succeed! Let's go!

Still at it....

I was 251 this morning. Seems to be just melting away! Too bad it won't be so easy the entire time. I am going grocery shopping in a bit. I will try to make the best choices, and I plan to work out later today. Good thing I live close to a good hospital. Wish me luck! I am back on track and on my way to slimville....