Still at it....

I am still going strong! I have had a few weak moments where I really wanted to throw in the towel and pig out, but I reminded myself how good I feel lately, and how much hard work I have put into this. Why piss it all away for a craving? Screw that! I am sticking to this! Besides, I am finding out that there are foods that are so damn good and I never even thought about them before. Sweet potatoes are a biggie. These things are so freaking tasty, and it really feels like cheating but it isn't. I love to smother one in the cal/fat/sodium/carb free butter spray I found and go to town! The spray is made by I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Their tub butters have sodium and calories and such, but this stuff has nothing. It is 100% guilt free! It also tastes better than butter, I think. I guess the tubs have junk in them because they need to stay solid or whatever. I love this spray! I have noticed that after eating healthy, I feel so damn good! Not like when I used to stuff my face for the instant gratification and then feel like hammered shit the rest of the day. I woke up with energy this morning. I still have it. I don't feel sluggish or bloated. As soon as it cools off a bit outside, I am going walking. This feeling is one I long felt was unattainable. Now I am vibrant and optimistic about losing weight. I feel pretty damn fantastic! I have lost 11 pounds, and about 4.5 inches off my waist. I am determined to keep going. I am finding great foods to enjoy, and everything tastes a little better when it is not drowned in salt. (Did I, the salt queen, just utter that?) There is hope for this fat girl yet! :)

Amazed.....

Well, I am still on track! I kid you not, I am already down 11 pounds! I was like "Holy shit!!!!" when I weighed today. I know it is probably mostly water weight and such, but damn that is a big number! I am currently taking in between 1200 and 1300 calories daily, and I managed to get my sodium intake down to about 1200mg daily. I have found some great sodium-free alternatives. Salt substitute for my food, butter spray, fruit (duh, right?). I also am in love with the low sodium sweet potato chips! Only 10mg per serving, which is about 17 chips. Plenty for a good snack. I never knew sweet potatoes were so magical. Healthy is an understatement. They also taste like they should be bad for you because it is like dessert or something. Yummy! In my search for low sodium goodness, I have found that there is a severe shortage of choices around here. Leave it to the damn countrified south to load up on salt and fat and limit our choices for sodium free groceries! I know that other places, bigger cities, have a vast array of healthy foods available. Not here. It is so sad to walk around the local grocery store and see the crap they sell in lieu of health food. Yuck! I see the world with new eyes. No longer do I look at sticky, gooey bakery items and drool. Now I think "Why in the hell do we eat that shit?" Most things people seem to buy these days are either pure sugar or pure fat! I now notice people and what they have in their carts; what they're feeding their kids. It is disgusting. No wonder our country is so fat! Now that I am watching my sodium levels, I am amazed at how much sodium is actually in our food! We are killing our bodies! Even so-called "healthy" things like soup and lean cuisines and even milk is loaded with it! Just because something is labeled as healthy doesn't mean it actually is. For example,all the microwave meals in the diet aisle have enough sodium to bloat you like a balloon and ruin you day! Weight Watchers, Michelina's, Lean Cuisine....you name it. They all have a minimum of 550mg of sodium! The daily average should be around 1000 to 2000mg, not to exceed 3000mg. If you take in 600mg just at lunch, then with all your meals together I guarantee you are way over the limit! Then you get bloated and yucky. How is that healthy? We often mistake convenience for goodness. Microwave meals might be quick, but then again so is biting a cow's ass. I bet you'd rather take the time to cut and cook a steak, though, right? Take the time to cook a small meal. Don't rely on the food companies to do it for you. They want your money. They don't give a shit about your health. Don't believe me? Still think Subway loves you? Then why do they list all their "healthy" subs right next to a huge sign that urges you to put more peperoni on everything? Peperoni is just fat. Period. Nothing healthy about it. Subway and all those lean meal companies can go suck an egg. I will cook my own meals, measure my own portions, and control my own life. Thank you. (I think that rant may have burned about 15 calories. LOL!)

The dreaded "Day 2".....

I think the 2ND day is always the hardest. Most say the 1ST. Nope. That is the day you are full of pride and intention. The next day, it begins to wane a bit. The new wears off and you realize this is going to take a lot of work. Well, I am not afraid of a little hard work. I have successfully lowered my sodium intake as well as calories and fat. I have managed to be consistent with my exercise, which means I went walking again today instead of coming home and flopping down on the couch. (Oh, comfy couch! How you taunt me!) My blood pressure has come down as well. I went from hypertension range to pre-hypertension range. That was awesome! Perhaps I will live to see the fall semester. I realized today that I really want this. I want to be healthy. Even when I felt hungry, I made good decisions instead of caving in like I usually do. Small victories, right? I haven't weighed yet. Maybe I will post it weekly. I'm still working on that one. Anyway, thanks for reading again today. Fat girl survived another day of good health! I'd jump for joy, but it might register on the Richter scale....

Reborn....

I am back, and I am better than ever! Have I lost all the weight? Nah. I actually gained it all back and then some. Did I hit the lottery? I wish. Am I through with college? Nope, still about 10 months to go. So why do I feel so damn happy? Because I have had an awakening. It is as if all the information I have taken in over the years is finally clicking together! I have this whole new understanding of my body, my mind, and my health. Where did this come from? I don't know. One morning it was just there. I feel free and happy, like I have never felt before! Screw diets and agony and shame! I refuse to put myself through that shit for one more minute! I now have an understanding of food and its purpose; I understand what my body needs. I hate to sound like a hippy, but after years of seeing food as the enemy, I am now one with my body's nutritional needs. Ok, that totally sounds like I just came off the hookah pipe. Let me put it a better way: I now have a clearer vision of what foods I need, what my body needs, and what I really can do without. The body is not unlike a car. It needs the right fuel to run properly. It needs maintenance. Healthy food is fuel. I have to put "fuel" in my "engine" to go anywhere, right? Well, putting junk food into my "engine" is like trying to run an actual car on something other than the proper fuel. I can put anything in my car's gas tank, but only gasoline will make it run. Just the same, I can put anything in my body's gas tank (my stomach), but only good healthy food will make it run properly. Junk food is not fuel. Soda is not fuel. Excess carbs, excess sodium, and saturated/trans fats are not fuel. Also, I have always based what I eat on tastes. Does it taste good? Is it cheesy or salty? Well, now I need to learn that taste should not be the deciding factor in what I consume. True, I want my food to taste good; but if I crave cheese I can get by with a low fat serving of real cheese (not that processed American crap) instead of downing an entire pizza. Yes, I have done that. With my head hung low in shame, I admit to scarfing down entire pizzas on my own. The thought of it makes me sick. So why did I do it? Because I was depressed, I was trying to soothe myself the only way I knew how, and I wanted the instant gratification of the cheesy gooeyness. I now understand that when we train ourselves to see a certain food as a reward, it releases serotonin in our brains. This is the so-called "happy chemical" that makes us feel good. My brain saw pizza as a way to boost my mood; however, after eating I always felt gross and fat. How did my mind try to boost my mood again? With junk food! It was a never ending cycle! Well, now I am breaking that cycle. I will retrain my brain to enjoy good food. I will not pollute my body with needless junk. I am starting anew. Do I want to get skinny? You bet I do. Is that my main focus these days? Certainly not. I want to be healthy. I want to lower my blood pressure before I end up on meds like my mom and my grandpa. I want to avoid diabetes, which runs on both sides of my family. I want to feel good in my skin. If I get skinny along the way, great. I just want to be healthy and happy! So, here I go again, only now I am on a new path. I do hope you will join me once more! :)


The first step is the hardest. My friends will see this. Here comes the brutal honesty: I weigh 262 lbs. There. I said it. It is out there for all to know. This is not the heaviest I have ever been, but it is close. I am only going down from here!